No way am I giving my Nanny a Reference Letter

It happens very often that a person who has worked many long and arduous years for a family has the misfortune of leaving a place of employment without obtaining a Letter of Reference. With a gap in the resume, chances for employment can be problematic.

In many states, like California, the labor code requires “employment verification”. This means the employer is obligated to provide a letter indicating dates, duties performed and reason for termination. It is actually a good idea to comply and write this type of reference letter to avoid personal calls while giving the employee at least proof of employment.

There are many reasons why an employer refuses to write a letter of reference:

· Disgruntled, angry and resentful, the employer is virtually “pissed off” for one reason or another and decides to offer the final lashing by not helping the employee obtain further job opportunities with others.


· The Employee was actually not competent and the Employer doesn’t want to have to lie on paper nor be obvious about the truth. It would be much easier to simply say…”Have anyone just call me for a reference.”


· Without a letter, there is no proof that the employee worked and this may be prudent if the employer did not comply with federal and state laws as it relates to immigration and internal revenue issues.

In these economic times, the worst thing that any employer could do is to make it even more difficult for another person to become employed. Do you really want to be responsible for this employee to turn out homeless or struggling just because there were differences between you? I would hope not.

Obviously, you cannot dismiss the fact that domestics – nannies, housekeepers and other household employees can be found doing things that warrant immediate termination. For example, if a childcare provider hurt a child or was so negligent that the child was put into severe danger, you would not want to recommend this person to continue working with children. Other examples may relate to honesty and trustworthiness. But if the issue is less severe and more of a personality issue between you resulting in attitude and performance problems, then we must be more compassionate, attempt to see both sides and ultimately be the teacher and student in the experience.

My advice to the employer:

1. Commit to at least writing a letter of employment verification

2. Be open to speak objectively with a prospective employer taking into consideration the overall picture and everyone's perspective.

3. Ask questions of the prospective employer so you understand the new job description. Perhaps this new job is more suitable for the employee and things that happened in your position would not be relative.

4. Sit down with the employee quietly and explain why you are upset and reluctant to write a letter – hash it out so that you can clear the air in yourself and with the employee so you can end things in the best of terms possible.

5. Try to be forgiving and understanding knowing that we are not perfect and all of us have much to learn in many ways.

Mistakes are made in every relationship; it is always better to make an effort to make peace with your adversary even if you can't make the relationship work.

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